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APoch Knight


Joined: 20 Dec 2007 Posts: 32
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Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 8:06 pm Post subject: Top seven idiots of 2008 |
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Number One Idiot of 2008
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
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Number Two Idiot of 2008
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
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Number Three Idiot of 2008
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
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Number Four Idiot of 2008
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
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Idiot Number Five of 2008
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
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Idiot Number Six of 2008
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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Idiot Number Seven of 2008
I live in a semi-rural area (Weyauwega, Wisconsin). We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
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STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE...!!! _________________
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belenus Prince


Joined: 08 May 2007 Posts: 1244 Location: Pale blue dot (Aviles, Asturies, Spain, Europe, Eurasia, North of Africa, South of Arctic....)
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Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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LOL! _________________
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Al Dente Prince


Joined: 23 Feb 2006 Posts: 3228 Location: Leodis, the jewel at the end of the yellow brick road (or M1)
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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1 to 6 had me smiling, but #7 thoroughly deserves the chortle it brought forth.
 _________________ Creationists believe they never evolved; I agree with them.
. . My Milestones . . My Full BOINC list |
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ohiomike Prince


Joined: 20 May 2007 Posts: 858 Location: Sometimes
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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Al Dente wrote: | 1 to 6 had me smiling, but #7 thoroughly deserves the chortle it brought forth.
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I used to live next door to #7, she was a blonde. _________________

Resident Linux fan and credit ho >My Shrubbers<
Proud member of the "Fry a CPU for breakfast club" |
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Sir Hamster of Elderberry KWSN ArchBishop

Joined: 20 May 2002 Posts: 5117 Location: Beer City, Cheese Quadrant
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Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:16 pm Post subject: |
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#7 is about 100 miles north of me.  _________________ -- Have you seen my goat? |
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Pooh Bear 27 Prince


Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 1358 Location: Fond du Lac, WI
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mohrorless Mail Order Goat Bride


Joined: 09 Oct 2006 Posts: 11206 Location: NYC
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Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 6:33 am Post subject: |
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It appears that she is about 1000 miles west of me. _________________ Fetch me the Holy Hand Grenade!
Keeper of the Unending keg of PGGBs
Taunter in Training
Campaign Manager for Sir Shrubbery
Plus
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Yankton Prince


Joined: 27 Sep 2008 Posts: 1702 Location: California
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Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 9:34 am Post subject: |
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My sister made the list AGAIN?? _________________ Some days are worse than others. |
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Old woman(mann, sorry) Baron


Joined: 09 Nov 2007 Posts: 221 Location: Nottingham, England
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Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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Fantastic.
Here's an English example from The Weakest Link.
Anne Robinson: "Golf" is said to be an acronym of "gentlemen only, ladies"... what?
Contestant: Fornicate.
The real answer is "forbidden". _________________ [img]http://boincstats.boincstats.com/search/all_projects.php?cpid=8fbcb4ce48ba412ccbb4337d9d2bf18a.gif[/img] |
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Fredericx51 Baron

Joined: 04 Mar 2008 Posts: 138 Location: Somewhere @ 38C south of the Northpole, probably in a solar powered iglo
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Posted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 11:09 am Post subject: |
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Nice one, a pitty you can't translate Dutch jokes in English.
But I'll try to come up with something  _________________ Fired, Wandering, Silicon Knight , STOP war & greed, N! Ni .
Currently burning:
2 QUAD's Q6600, 1 WIN (stock)XP32, VISTA stock , 1 QX9650@ 3.6GHz.WIN XP64,GTX480.
1 HP Pav LT(Leisure);C2D T2400+7400GT.
1 HP Pav Desktop:Q6600+GTS250
and a i7-2600+2x HD5870. |
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