KWSN Orbiting Fortress

[Michelle]

Okay, so I know I've ranted about my father and his child-bride before but I have no idea what to do about something.

I received an email last night from Victoria. Yes, that's right. The child-bride that I have never had any contact with and only learned about through my aunts. It was a group email to my father's two sisters, my brother and myself.

[JerWA]

I've missed your previous rants, only seen the occasional reference. What's the situation again?
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[BmfCb]

If i understand the situation properly, a rant is probably the last thing she needs right now.

It might be better to hold back for some time if you can't stop yourself.

How sure are you your ex is not reading the mail (or comes across it in the future?)

You can always keep the adress and reply at a later date.

Just MHO (i have no experience whatsoever with these situations, luckily)
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[Michelle]

Sorry, I don't think I worded that very well.

This was an email from my ... er... child-bride stepmother that I've had no contact with at all. That's why I haven't told my mother.

I bet nobody else here has a stepmother who is 12 years younger than them.

Not a girlfriend/wife of my ex hubby. That doesn't bother me at all now.
I was pretty devastated about the first one, but after that....*shrug* In fact I got on quite well with the second one, a nice Thai lady. She stayed in touch with me and the kids for a while after my ex dumped her. I haven't met the latest one, a Filipina, but the kids think she is alright. It wouldn't bother me if I got an email from her. If we move to where we want to move to after I sell this house, we'll only be about an hours drive from her. I guess I'll meet her then. We can keep her company while the ex is overseas...which is most of the time.

See? I don't have a problem with the ex and girlfriends, but I don't know what to do about an email from my father's child-bride.

Silly, isn't it.


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[BmfCb]

(Sorry for the mixup)
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A shrubbery is a joy forever
To boinc or not to boinc, that's the question
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[Mildew]

[Tenebra]

I've never been in similar situation, but you need to take your time Michelle. Just think a bit on it, before doing anything. My advice is to reply very politely, but with a distant tone. You could write something like the following:

[rotciv KOTHRT]

My male point of view.

I can sympathize and understand your dilemma. I have been told by various relative that my Grandfather was a real bastard to my Grandmother, and when she passed away he married a younger woman. I only remember seeing him one time when I was very young. It is very sad that I did not get to at least meet him. My parents never took me around to see him or my step Grandmother. There is a lot of family history that I am missing. Grandfather came to the US early 1900’s from Germany, and now I am missing a lot of background information. On my we site I have posted the following phrase “LIFE IS SHORT, DEATH IS FOREVER, THEN IT'S TOO LATE TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY!”
It is a shame that some people cause a lot of pain and hurt to their relatives and love ones. It is always very hard to forgive, because we can never forget. You can always tell your children why you feel the way you do about your father and his new bride (lies, drink, abuse, etc.).You do not have to like what he did and you can convey that to you children (and father if you wish). You may never like his new young bride. Some people are going to be what they are and never change, but by being nice and saying a kind word to someone go a long way.

The above are my rambling thoughts.


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[KWSN Sir CADCAM]

Michelle, this is where you are.... 'On The Horns of a Dilemma' (looks very uncomfortable).

My best "Dear Aby" advice:-
1. Reply to all her emails in a timely fashion (4 or 5 days later at the minimum).
2. Reply in a 'point-by-point' fashion without proferring new information.
3. Be coureous but not gushing (use a reply 'tone' similar to an email you might get from the 'Tax Collector').
4. Emails are personal items, you have no need to share them with others if you don't want (this includes immediate family).
5. Don't forget to help by correcting ALL her spelling, grammar and email etiquette mistakes.
6. Most importantly, to ensure that her new email address gets well 'run-in', don't forget to include it in all of the 'chain-mail', 'forward-this-to-5-people-now, or-else' type messages, Oh, and, as she is new to the world of electronic messaging, you should submit her email address to all those great companies that send out offers via email, especially those for "Men's Products".

I hope this helps.
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[mohrorless]

Ok. Here is my 2 cents worth. Read it then feel free to ignore it and/or send me the I'm # 1 smiley if you wish.

First take a deep breath. Relax a bit. Remember your beef is with your father and what he did to you & your family. Child-Bride did not have anything to do with it (I presume) so don't take your feelings for your father out on her!!!!!

I would definately reply - in fact use what Tenebra said. It sounded fine maybe customize it a bit. Take it slowly with her.

I don't know what has prompted this contact, maybe there is a reason for it.

Don't worry about your brother. I don't know if he is younger or older than you, or even what his relationship is with your father. You need to worry about you and your kids and how this will affect you guys.

Definately respond though. CAREFULLY WORDED!! You DO NOT want to start some war in the family because you did not respond or because you told her to f off.

Again Tenebra is right (wise lady, she is):

[Fart in your gen direxion]

Reply, be friendly, elicit her present location, then hunt her down and KILL her .

[Sir Hamster of Elderberry]

[mohrorless]

[Michelle]

[mohrorless]

[Fart in your gen direxion]

Semi-serious reply: you're under no obligation to respond at all. Just because someone extends their hand in friendship (if that's what it truly is), you don't have to shake it. You decide who you want a relationship with, not them .

[Sir Hamster of Elderberry]

[Pooh Bear 27]

I've been mulling this over for days, because I have had a pretty good family life. My parents are gone for many years and when mom passed dad did take it hard for a while, but found a new friend who was actually older. I was jealous for a little while, but they were just friends and never let it go further than that.

I do have a sibling who has more or less disowned the family. Mostly because of a controlling spouse. I try and avoid hearing anything about this person, and try not to think of them, because of the way we all were treated. Our parents wrote their wills out very badly and left everything to that person, who was supposed to share, but the spouse talked this person out of it, and so the rest of us got nothing. This person's children have suffered, also. Has pretty well has disowned them, too.

I do not know what I would do if I got e-mail from either of them. Probably delete it without reading it, because of the bad way they treated us.

We each must do what we must do. I hope that for your sake, things go well, whatever you decide.

[jbyram2]

Since your Aunt is you fathers sister (I assume she wouldn't write to your mum's sister), she probably knows him as well as anyone. Have a good chat with her about it.

A short email: Thanks for writing. Please don't be upset, but the fact that you are so much younger than I am is really hard for me to handle, so I'd rather not write any more.

A bit blunt, but it's the truth, no?
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[Michelle]

Well, I haven't done anything yet...mainly because I've plumbing problems i.e. a busted water pipe to try to fix without having to call in a plumber. It's only a temporary job but I hope it lasts as long as possible.