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[CJ] Tales of the Stupid
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The Knighty NI
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 5:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another tale from the annuls of "The Absent Minded Professor" with a bit of an ouch factor Very Happy

It was a balmy Saturday afternoon and the usual Stuff rays beamed down on me from the sun.

I was out in the garden and took my bicycle apart for cleaning and making ready for a 25 mile time trial the following morning.

Each part was lovingly cleaned and put back together with the usual tinkering to ensure everything worked to perfection. All bearings were perfectly nipped into place so that the wheels, bottom bracket and head set had absolutely no slack in them yet rotated as if there was no friction at all. Nothing but perfection was good enough for me as I trained very very hard because racing was more than a hobby for my by this time. In fact I had my sights set on entering the Milk Race and eventually the Tour de France once I made the jump from serious amateur to full time professional.

On average I trained for about 400 miles per week and usually raced between 50-150 miles over the 2 days each weekend. Over the previous 2-3 years I had won quite a number of time trials with some of my best times going a few minutes under the hour for a 25 mile time trial with improvements being made almost every race.

Well this particular weekend I only had one race which was on the Sunday. So dreaming away in the sun I forgot to do up one nut properly. This was not apparent until I arrived at the starting line the following morning.

There was a hubbub of excitement as I arrived mainly because I was by now probably the best in my club and many members turned up to watch.

Waving I sat back on the saddle and smiled at everyone, leaned down and applied the front brake.

Twang of the brake wire as it shot out straight in front of me as it grabbed the front wheel. Ignominiously I was catapulted over the handlebars...the bike followed me as gravity took hold....

Needless to say my chin was used as the brake that morning

When I shave my beard off you can still see a lovely scar under my chin where it was used on the ground to stop my forward motion.

Did I win that race...sadly it was one of my worst races in a long time because I was so shaken up. All the other people from my club racing that day beat me including the veterans and the juniors Sad

#ni-1
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klaatuborada
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Joined: 08 Dec 2002
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Location: by the dock by the bay...

PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can only choose one? Hmmmmm, perhaps when a hornet flew into my car while I was driving and I ducked and ran into a tree? I was only going about 10 mph, but still, stoopid....

But, no I'll have to go with this one. Back when my daughter was around 2, and we were still breast feeding, I woke up early one morning, just as the sun was rising... (stop that! stop that!), and I just had a very thin t-shirt on. I went downstairs and turned to close the baby-gate, the gate that keeps the young ones from falling down and cracking their heads open, yeah, that thing.

This particular one used pressure to hold it to the wall and the staircase, so you had to press the handle down on the top. I was standing on the step below and leaned forward to press the handle down and my nipple got caught between the gate and the handle. Pain. I tried to lift the handle to get myself out, but it wouldn't budge so I had to pull myself out, and tore the skin on my nipple. Wow Pain! Boys, I'm talking about incredible pain here. So, what happens next? You guessed it, after about 45 minutes my breast was getting engorged with milk. I tried putting it in a bowl of warm water to try and expel some, but it didn't help enough, and my breast started getting swollen and painful, so the answer was, to let my daughter nurse from it. Every time she latched on the pain was excruciating, I had to keep from screaming out, but in about two weeks it healed, (thank God for little favors). Lesson learned. Something about being half asleep, wearing t-shirts and protecting one's breasts.
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Gemjunkie
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

klaatuborada wrote:
...so I had to pull myself out, and tore the skin on my nipple.

I'd of mulled that one over quite a while before resorting to that. Shocked

Quote:
You guessed it, after about 45 minutes my breast was getting engorged with milk.

I did not guess that.

Quote:
...so the answer was, to let my daughter nurse from it.

The correct answer is: go to an emergency room.


Quote:
Lesson learned. Something about being half asleep, wearing t-shirts and protecting one's breasts.

Something about hiring an attorney!




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Sir Hamster of Elderberry
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

klaatuborada wrote:
... but it wouldn't budge so I had to pull myself out, and tore the skin on my nipple. ...


Shocked Shocked Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Shocked Shocked
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klaatuborada
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Joined: 08 Dec 2002
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Location: by the dock by the bay...

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

klaatuborada wrote:
...so I had to pull myself out, and tore the skin on my nipple.

Gemjunkie wrote:
I'd of mulled that one over quite a while before resorting to that. Shocked


I was in so much pain and I couldn't open the damn thing and get myself out that it was the only thing I could think of doing.


klaatuborada wrote:
You guessed it, after about 45 minutes my breast was getting engorged with milk.

Gemjunkie wrote:
I did not guess that.


What did you guess? I'm intrigued

klaatuborada wrote:
...so the answer was, to let my daughter nurse from it.

Gemjunkie wrote:
The correct answer is: go to an emergency room.


Well, I was making a long story short, and I did go to the emergency room, and they sent me up to the maternity ward where they didn't have any breast pumps available and they were the ones that said..... let your daughter nurse from it


klaatuborada wrote:
Lesson learned. Something about being half asleep, wearing t-shirts and protecting one's breasts.

Gemjunkie wrote:
Something about hiring an attorney!


I think too much time has gone by, but do you know any?
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mohrorless
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did you ask your husband to kiss it and make it better?
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Al Dente
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Doing something stupid isn't a modern phenomenon, they were having fun in Tudor times. Laughing
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