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Michelle · Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 11:18 pm Post subject: Terror Alerts

Edited to add *not*.

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : *not* BY JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!" and "The Barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

#ni-1

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Gemjunkie · Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 11:37 pm Post subject:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/02/24/949253/-Humor:-Europe-Terror-Alerts

question

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Michelle · Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 12:04 am Post subject:

Oh poo. It certainly pays to check up on things that arrive in the inbox.

Thanks, Gemjunkie.
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Gemjunkie · Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 4:47 am Post subject:

OK, still funny. Laughing

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mohrorless · Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 6:40 am Post subject:

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The Knighty NI · Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 12:02 pm Post subject:

Err Yeerss, It a bloody nuisance when the tea stops arriving. How do you expect us Brits to contribute to anything without a nice cup of Char. Hurummph
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Killerrabbit · Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 6:24 pm Post subject:

I hate it when I have to cancel a barbie. Or when Mattel cancels a line.

Ni
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Sir Hamster's Goat · Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:46 am Post subject:

BAAAARBIIIIEEEE!
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BAAAA!

mohrorless · Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 8:12 am Post subject:

There he is! Get him!
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Fetch me the Holy Hand Grenade!

#Usa

Keeper of the Unending keg of PGGBs
Taunter in Training
Campaign Manager for Sir Shrubbery

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The Knighty NI · Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 2:58 pm Post subject:

Knighty feigns to the left, ducks and dives.

DAMM chainmail shirt all in a twist and lands face down in a pile of Goat Poo.

Yuck. Sad

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mohrorless · Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 8:08 pm Post subject:

that happened to me once. Head to the witch dunking tank. They will help you get cleansed. Do you weigh more than a duck?
_________________
Fetch me the Holy Hand Grenade!

#Usa

Keeper of the Unending keg of PGGBs
Taunter in Training
Campaign Manager for Sir Shrubbery

Plus

Sir Hamster's Goat · Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:16 pm Post subject:

BAAAAHAAAAHAAAA!
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BAAAA!